Week 3 – Arkansas Razorbacks

I started writing this preview for the Arkansas game roughly forty seven times during this past week. Each time, I came off sounding more and more like a crazy person. It’s like I somehow installed some sort of crazy person font pack for Windows. And I’m not talking Wingdings crazy, either. This brand of crazy is beyond even that. I blame my iRobot (which is what I call my newfangled Android phone because I am so clever). It’s gotten me in the habit of installing all kinds of random apps on my phone, a habit which must have somehow leaked on over to when I’m using my computer. That’s my theory, anyways.

Speaking of installing apps on my iRobot, I recently installed a Chess app (here’s the QR code for anyone’s who’s interested):

Use Barcode Scanner. Yeah, I'm a geek.

It’s served as a nice distraction when waiting in line at the grocery store or when trying to avoid doing anything productive. Now, I’m bad at chess. But I’m good enough to see just how bad I am and just how good the AI can be. So while watching a replay of one of my games against my iRobot (yeah, I’m a geek), I noticed how the AI seemed to react against my every move with an “oh, no you di-unt” sort of attitude that I, frankly, found somewhat disturbing. But it also gave me an idea of how to write the Arkansas preview without coming off as sounding too crazy. Mission accomplished, so far, I’ d say. Right?

See, this post is about having a bad attitude. I don’t mean in regards to how we approach playing the game. No, what I mean is how we approach facing the other team. And we’ve got plenty to be mad about:

That’s just recent, minor stuff. Lest we forget, the last time the Arkansas Razorbacks came to town, they ran the ball all over us, took advantage of turnovers, held our offense to less than half of its average total yardage and generally made a nuisance of themselves. Oh, and they hurt our quarterback, too. D.J. Shockley would end up missing the Cocktail Party (which we lost by four) and come back just in time for the Auburn game (which we lost by one). Nevermind that we ended up winning that game against the Hawgs and the SEC Championship later that year anyway (points to remember). They hurt D.J. Shockley, probably one of the most beloved Dawgs in recent memory. You cain’t let that shit slide.

Now, I’m not saying that we should go out there and try to hurt Ryan Mallet. In no way would I ever condone anything like that (particularly if said victim were still eligible for a medical redshirt…kidding!). I’m just saying that we need to make Ryan Mallet fear for his life in Athens this Saturday. There’s a big difference there, see? Because I typed that last bit with a smile. Really.

Or it could be that I’m smiling because I’m thinking of some Arkansas folks. See, these are some funny people. I don’t know if you’re familiar with fans of the Razorbacks online, but they often go by names like “The Pig Lebowski” or “Bobby Pigtrino” and they make threads like this one on their Hawgs message boards. And, OK, I admit that I’m starting to run out of things to get mad about, especially when I see something like this in a “Separated at Birth” thread:

Blair Walsh, our kicker.

Gollum, our precious.

How can you not laugh at that? But, for serious now, this is a big game, the outcome of which holds many ramifications on how the season plays out for both the Dawgs and the Razorbacks. Arkansas is in a better position right now because they’ve yet to lose a conference game. Sadly, this is not true for the Dawgs but a loss this Saturday won’t completely knock us out of the SEC Championship race. It’ll just kind of hamper us a bit, like a tire iron to the knee before the start of the event. So I leave you with a quote by Coach Mark Richt and some final thoughts on our starting center, Ben Jones:

“There’s a picture in the training room of this gigantic pig and this little bitty boy laying on the belly of the pig and then there’s a little arrow that says ‘Ben Jones.’ So I figured the teammates were just spoofing him because he’s a country boy and all that stuff so I thought that was pretty funny. Then come to find out that was Ben Jones laying on that big pig when he was a kid. So he’s country. He’s a country boy.”

If there’s one thing I know about country boys, it’s that most of them have a mean streak in them. We need Ben Jones to play with a mean streak because he’s the leader of our offensive line. And we need our offensive line to dominate this game. Like they did against Tech last season.

Ben Jones is a crazy person. I almost wish he played defense.


One Response to “Week 3 – Arkansas Razorbacks”

  1. […] and showing indifference towards our opponent. Result: steamrolling loss. Then we tried being angrily amused at our opponent. Result: sucking chest wound loss. So what’s next? I’ll tell you […]

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