Uncommon Valor

I’ve mentioned in the past that I may have some game week and game time rituals that I (mostly) adhere to. I won’t fully disclose the depths of my superstitious depravity commitments here. Suffice to say, I mean business.

And so, with that in mind, and as we get ready to face off in a very important game against the Mississippi State Tofu Dogs, I’d like to share with you something I did for the (real) Dawgs yesterday. It involved great courageousness. And copious amounts of condiments. But, in the end, the mission was accomplished and we can but wait to see how things will turn out as a result of my unselfish actions.

That’s right. In the interest of seeing our (real) Dawgs victorious, no sacrifice is too great and I’m willing to leave no stone unturned when searching for ways to motivate the boys. Now, I’m not saying I’m the next Erk Russell or anything but, well, we all do the best we can: I ate the mascot of our opponent.

Those are totally fake!

Now, I could be a fibber here and proclaim that these were the worst things I’ve ever eaten and that the (real) Dawgs now owe me an ass-kicking in Starkville Saturday night as a sort of repayment for my ordeal. But it would simply not be true. These things were delicious. And, besides, I used to have a roommate who was a Marine. He fancied himself quite the cook. Readers, let me ask you this. Would someone who fancied himself quite the cook concoct something made up of canned asparagus, canned oysters, a liberal dash of tobasco and soy sauce and, in retrospect, what may have been the saving grace of this “dish”, fistfuls of crushed Ritz crackers? Huh, I thought that might be your reply. Because I was thinking almost exactly the same thing.

Not that there's anything wrong with having fakes.

So this whole experience didn’t quite turn out as “adventurous” as I had nervously envisioned it. Our server was delightful, the food was delivered promptly and the iced tea was not too sweet.

But, dangit, I still demand an ass-kicking from the (real) Dawgs. Because, you see, there was one little incident marring what would have otherwise been an all around pleasant afternoon. They sprinkled bacon bits on our tofu dogs. Sure, they apologized profusely for it because they assumed, I’m sure, that folks who would order tofu dogs might generally not dig on the swine. In our case, this was not true. But I’ve had my fill of pig.

Go (real) Dawgs!

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2 Responses to “Uncommon Valor”

  1. […] Gormandize (had to think about this one for a minute) our opponent’s mascot. […]

  2. […] off the conversation rather gregariously: So, how are things in Starkghanistan? What have you Tofu Dogs been up to? And, seriously, how is it that you guys can have a great year (by your standards), […]

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