Week 7 – Vanderbilt Commodores: In Which I Attempt To Outdumb Myself

If there’s anything I can be absolutely sure of in my life, it’s that any time I feel absolutely sure about something, I’m proven completely wrong. This Escher-like quality I possess is so powerful that it leaks into the lives of others, manipulating their actions like so many Nicaraguan honey badgers in a real life game of Calvinball.

I’m going to keep this short because it pains me to write these words. But I trust you’ll understand that it’s something I have to do.

You know how we’ve all been praising Aaron Murray? Talking about his poise as a redshirt freshman quarterback, remarking about how surprisingly well he’s played considering how we all thought he’d be one of this team’s biggest question marks, bragging about the numbers he’s put up thus far and comparing him to other quarterbacks, past and present? It’s all about to come crashing down. While there have been moments in previous games where Murray has reminded us that he’s still a rookie, the game this Saturday against the Vanderbilt Commodores is where all of these moments come together into a perfect storm of thunderous fail. I’m absolutely sure of this.

On the other side of the ball, while the defense is still struggling at times, it has shown improvement as the season’s progressed. These improvements stop this weekend against the Commodores. We’re going to play so poorly that, for the first time ever, the defense is actually going to throw an interception. And this is after giving up a safety. It’s not going to be pretty, guys. Of this, I am absolutely sure.

And special teams? Well, I guess that’s the nicest way of putting it. They are going to make all kinds of special plays. Like when Blair Walsh accidentally kicks a field goal through the wrong uprights and scores for the Commodores. Or when Drew Butler, so concerned with getting his ups so’s he doesn’t have to worry about his yonders, kicks one a hundred thousand miles…straight up in the air and we net a punt with a 47 second hangtime and a three-and-a-half foot travel distance. I’m absolutely sure it’s going to be one of those kind of daze.

To sum up, this Dawgs team is going to perform so badly this weekend against the Vanderbilt Commodores, that their foul play is going to retroactively make the ’80 team suck. I am absolutely sure of all of this.

Oh, and one last thing. Evil Richt? Well, you can for-

You want some of this?

OK, so maybe Evil Richt might still appear. He’d better because I feel the need for absolution after writing this post.

Go Dawgs!


2 Responses to “Week 7 – Vanderbilt Commodores: In Which I Attempt To Outdumb Myself”

  1. […] incredibly subtle use of reverse-psychology was a success! Aaron Murray had a great day, going 15 of 24 for 287 yards and 2 touchdowns, the […]

  2. […] not really big on predictions. For one thing, I’m almost always completely wrong. Secondly, I think it’s bad luck. It’s not that I’m superstitious. Well, […]

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