Introducing the new scooter for 2012

The University of Georgia has issued a statement introducing the new 2012 model up-armored scooter, made exclusively for Bulldog football players for use around campus:

As you can see, the new model has been completely redesigned to offer maximum protection from the dangers of day to day travel around the perilous streets of Athens, Georgia. Included with each scooter is the new Injury Coutermeasure Equipment (“ICE”) systems, attached to the front of the vehicle. This device loudly warns others of the imminent approach of a football player-laden scooter with various barks and shouts modeled after the patented “Joe T Screech”™.

Also included with the scooter at no extra charge are self-inflating, puncture-proof road tires strong enough to withstand the force of impact caused by up to a .50 calibre round. And speaking of which, you may have noticed a turret atop the new scooter. Each 2012 model up-armored scooter is armed with one M2 Browning “Ma Deuce” .50 calibre machine gun, for those times when a Bulldog football player finds himself in and around the vicinity of Pauldoe Street.

There will be no more traffic fines issued to Bulldog football players “emerging the wrong way from an alley” with these new scooters. Because when Ma Deuce is along for the ride, every way is the right way.

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