My Santa is best

Sorry for my lack of posting yesterday. I was too busy waiting in line for some Concords. Anyway, I hope this day finds you all with your loved ones, surrounded by good food and, of course, lots of loot.

And speaking of which, after the 2009 season, a good friend of mine sent out her annual “What do you want for Christmas?” email. Here was my reply:

Item 1: One (1) Pro-style quarterback

• Laser-rocket arm (must be able to throw the deep out route)
• Pocket passer with the ability to scramble (4.6 – 4.8/40 time should suffice)
• Must be able to read SEC-style defenses
• Must be committed to playing at UGA for all four years of eligibility

Item 2: Two (2) Monster™ defensive tackles

• Both must be at least 6’3”, over 300 lbs, at or sub 5.0/40 time optimal
• Ability to read play-action and misdirection plays
• Ability to play assignment football and stay in their lanes
• Ability to make open-field tackles
• Ability in short yardage situations to dig in tighter than a tick on an Alabama ‘coon hound

Item 3: One (1) entire kick-off coverage team

• Must not be stupid

Item 4: One (1) Defensive Coordinator

• Must be able to adjust strategies during a game
• Must be able to chew concertina wire and piss napalm
• Any relation to Erk Russell a plus

All of the above must despise the color orange.

I realize that this is a rather extensive list and that even the most super of Santas may have trouble with it. Therefore, I am prepared to accept delivery no later than September 4th, 2010.

Well, after that 2010 season, I was sure my good friend had come through with items 1 and 3 on my list. But I definitely didn’t get item 2 and I was still holding onto the receipt of item 4.

Now, after the 2011 season, I’m pretty sure I got items 2 and 4 to add to item 1. But it seems that I may have misplaced item 3. So, this Christmas, that’s what I’m hoping for. Another item 3.

Merry Christmas, folks. I hope we all get what we want and Go Dawgs!

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